Posted by: Mariah Hollifield | October 5, 2010

I’m A Control Freak. Here’s Why.


I’ve been thinking a lot this week about what a control freak I’m capable of being. How I have some very specific ideas about how circumstances should unfold in my life. Specific ideas about how each person I know could better their own life by simply following my simple suggestions. Particular ways that I’d like God to bless me.

It’s this last one that makes me chuckle a bit. It reminds me of Christmastime as a kid. How I was very thorough in my list-making of all of the gifts I would need Santa to bring me in order to create a really great holiday. What that turns Christmas Day into is simply a checking off of the boxes of different things I asked for. No surprises. No true joy.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m aware of the Scripture that says I’m supposed to ask God for what I want. For me, it comes down to how am I going to respond to not getting what I really think I need to make this a really great life.

Do I really trust that God is going to take care of me? That God is really the creative one in this relationship, and actually knows some great ways (maybe even the best!) to bless me that will not only bring me great joy, but emphasize His goodness and love for me?

Can I trust God with the emptiness in my life that I’m trying so hard to fill up by controlling everything and everyone in my life? I believe the answer is yes. And I want to keep reminding myself of that belief.

Sarah Young, in “Jesus Calling,” so creatively writes what God is saying to me: Tell yourself that this is a perfect day to depend on Me in childlike trust. If you persevere in this dependence as you go through the day, you will discover at bedtime that Joy and Peace have become your companions. You may not realize at what point they joined you on your journey, but you will feel the beneficial effects of their presence. The perfect end to such a day is a doxology of gratitude. I am He from whom all blessings flow!

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